Mervyn the Mauve

The mountains belch embers up into the skies

that shower the forests below.

From the ash and the flames, a purple wyrm flies

and his eyes, with malevolence, glow.

He cares not for trinkets nor baubles of gold

for his is a specialist’s trove.

Down there in his lair lies the treasure-untold

of the terrible Mervyn the Mauve.

Tremble in fear

for all you hold dear

at the dragon named Mervyn the Mauve.

And such is his greed, his tremendous demand,

that his hoard can be only complete

once he owns all the porcelain thrones in the land,

every chamber pot, bucket, and seat.

Some dragons, like Banthraz the Beige, adore bones

or the old gold that Red-Rex pursues.

Ygerna the Green loves to steal precious stones.

but Mervyn lusts only for loos.

He stole every john

and now they're all gone.

The land has no loos left to use!

His victims have held it for four-hundred years.

With recourse for relief thus denied,

they're impaired by the pain of their rears in-arrears

as their bowels turn to granite inside.

Constipation has blocked every hope they've explored

and most are resigned to their fate.

One can't liberate dragon hoards with a sword

if they can't even waddle there straight.

They're nearly bereft

of what hope they have left

and they're stuck in a miserable state.

The only way out is to outsource the fight,

so the villagers put out a call.

They hope for a wizard, a rogue, or a knight

but they’ll take any saviour at all.

The six-year-old lass known as Evelyn Fox

is the hero the elders like best.

With snacks and a hat and her colourful socks,

she’s ready to go on her quest.

Some grown-ups applied

who were more qualified

but Evelyn came the best dressed.Off to the mountains she toddles along

uncertain of what she will find.

Not having a plan means the plan can't go wrong.

No strategy has she in mind.

But brave to the cave of the creature she creeps,

being careful to not make a sound.

Approaching the porcelain seats, where he sleeps,

she spots Mervyn on top of his mound.

And while the beast snoozes

She quickly peruses

The ceramic on which he is found.

"Hey Dummy, these dunnies are junk!" the girl cries,

"Your treasures are all full of holes!"

So startled, the dragon snaps open his eyes

and, surprised, reconsiders the bowls.

The dragon then roars, and he claws at his breast.

"My bling is all worthless, you say?

What then shall I hoard to embellish my nest

Once I've flushed all this rubbish away?"

The old wyrm beguiled

by a six-year-old child

has just turned from hunter to prey.

In a battle of wills, there is no force on Earth

that can out-match a confident child.

"I reckon my socks here cost more than that's worth."

And removing them, Evelyn smiled.

“I’ll trade you the right one for all that stuff,

and the left if you leave us alone.”

Mervyn considers this more than enough

and he swiftly abandons the throne.

She thinks on her feet,

employs some deceit,

and triumphantly brings it all home.

The townsfolk rejoice at their restrooms restored.

Celebrations are thrown through the land.

Some elders, long pressured, now enter the stalls

and emerge clutching diamonds in hand.

The dragon now menaces lands far-away,

where wyrms gather glittering rocks.

In Evelyn’s home, it’s a regular day,

while old Mervyn the Mauve’s hoarding socks.

When pained in the arse,

all think "This two shall pass"

and are thankful to Evelyn Fox.